The Light vs Dark Side Ultimate Rounders Showdown
by Tsubame
Summary: This is my idea about what would happen if the final battle between Dark and Light was a rounders match, but I've slightly twisted the rules. Rated T for violence.


An alternative view of the final Dark vs. Light side showdown.

What would happen if the ultimate battle was a rounders match?

"Teams assemble" called C3P0 "Now I will explain the rules. They are very simple. One: The Dark Side's will have red lightsabres, and the Light side will have green. Two: You may kill members of the opposing team, but only in the course of the game. Three: The first team whose members are all dead are the losers. Four: Use of any Force Powers is acceptable, but they must not be used to kill opponents. Five: Anyone who is killed illegally, their team will receive 10 rounders. Six: corpses will remain on the playing field exactly where they died until the end of the game. Now, prepare to begin!"

The teams

Light Side:

Han Solo (captain)

Leia Organa

Luke Skywalker (bowler)

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Qui-Gon Jinn

Waes Janson

Chewbacca

Wedge Antillies

Hobbie

Prince Isoldor

Dark Side:

Darth Vader (captain)

The Emperor

Darth Maul

General Grevious

Jar Jar Binks (bowler)

Count Dooku

A Battle Droid

A Stormtrooper

Jabba the Hut

Boba Fett

"Solo, choose a number between 1 and 10. Vader, you too," ordered C3P0.

"4" Han replied,

"10" grunted Vader.

"Vree be bop," C3P0 whirred into action. "5.7693020102892342. Solo, bat or field?" he asked

"Field" Han replied. "You're going down, Vader!"

"That's what you think pipsqueak!" Vader responded aggressively.

"Into your positions please, there will be 10 minute innings or until everyone is dead." C3P0 ordered. The positions went as follows:

Luke: bowler

Obi-Wan: first base

Chewbacca: second base

Leia: third base

Han: last base

Hobbie: backstop

Everybody else: fielding

"Let the game commence!" shouted C3P0. Everyone else cheered.

First up to bat for the Dark Side was the Emperor. He stood calmly in the batting box, preparing for the ball, which Luke lobbed at him a few seconds later.

"Wham!" the ball went sailing off into the distance and he started to run.

"Smack" was the noise his nose made as it hit the floor a few seconds later. Chewbacca had stuck out a leg and tripped him up as he was running, and the Emperor hadn't noticed. To finish the job Chewie ripped off his arm.

"Argh!" the Emperor howled "My batting arm!"

He got up and ran on though, however just before he got to the 3rd base, Leia caught the ball and stumped him out.

"Nyah Nyah," she said as he limped past, his arm still spouting blood.

Next up to bat was Darth Maul. He went up to the batting square and drew his lightsabre.

"Die, imbecile!" Luke yelled as he threw the ball at him. It reached the batting square and continued straight through him. Luke had used the Force to make the ball go as fast as a bullet from a blaster. He dropped dead before he reached 1st base.

3rd was General Grievous. "I'm not going to lose to YOU!"

He swung his lightsabre and smacked the ball. It sailed off toward the 3rd base where Han jumped up into the air and caught it.

"Damn you all," Grievous said as he retreated.

Jar Jar Binks came up. He hit the ball backwards, straight into Hobbie's hands.

Count Dooku marched forward. "Long live the Dark Side!"

Luke threw the ball and he hit it over to 3rd base. As he was running, Luke pulled out a blaster and shot him down.

"Hang on a minute," Vader yelled. "Isn't there a rule against concealed weaponry?"

"Vree be boop," C3P0 replied. "Negative, that was not a foul. Let the game resume."

A Battle Droid walked forward. Luke threw the ball at it, it bounced off it's head, smashing it to smithereens.

"Cheap Federation Droids!" screamed Luke.

Next was a Stormtrooper. It hit the ball, straight into Chewie's mouth.

"Chewie!" scolded Han "You're not allowed to eat the equipment. Never mind, I brought an extra one just in case."

He threw it to Luke.

Jabba the Hut slithered forward. Luke threw the ball; it went soaring off into the air and came straight down on Prince Isoldor's head. He immediately dropped down dead. Jabba slithered round unhindered.

"Whooooo, he's dead!" yelled Han.

"You're not supposed to celebrate when someone on your own team dies, idiot!" said Luke

"Sorry!" said Han.

"1 rounder to the Dark Side," called C3P0.

Boba Fett strode forward. Luke lobbed the ball at him, it bounced off his lightsabre, straight into the waiting hands of Obi Wan.

Last up was Darth Vader. "I will never lose to the Light Side! Bwahahahahahahaha!"

He hit the ball off into the distance, where Qui Gon caught it.

"Change please," called C3P0. These were the Dark Side's positions.

Bowler: Jar Jar Binks

First base: The Emperor

Second base: General Grievous

Third base: Darth Vader

Fourth base: Jabba the Hut

Backstop: Boba Fett

Everyone else: fielding

First to bat for the Light Side was Han Solo. He held his lightsabre and Jar Jar threw the ball at him. "Wham!" it sailed off and hit the Stormtrooper. Han ran all the way round before everyone stopped staring.

"1 rounder to the Light Side." called C3P0

Second was Leia, "I'll show you what women are made of!"

Jar Jar threw the ball at her. She swung her lightsabre, and extended it at the same time, so it chopped Jar Jar's head off as she swung it.

She also ran round while everyone was staring at him.

"1 rounder to the Light Side." called C3P0.

Now the Dark Side needed a new bowler. Darth Vader stepped in, and the slightly battered Stormtrooper took third base.

Darth Vader's first victim was Luke. "Fear the wrath of the Dark Side!"

Vader threw the ball with all his might, and Luke smacked it into the distance. It hit The Emperor and knocked his other arm off. He then died from the blood loss.

Obi Wan stood up next. He smacked the ball into the middle distance and started running. As he ran past 4th base, he impaled Jabba the Hut on his lightsabre.

"Slug kebab anyone?" he called as he returned.

"1 rounder to the Light Side." called C3P0

Next to bat was Qui Gon Jinn, who whacked the ball to second base and winded General Grievous, who instantly died from a punctured lung. As the Dark Side tried to revive him, Qui Gon got around.

"1 rounder to the Light Side." called C3P0

Chewie lumbered up. Vader threw the ball to him, which he ate.

"Chewie, what did I tell you before?" scolded Han. "Don't eat the equipment!"

Han threw Vader yet another spare ball. "Sorry about that," he called

"You'll be sorry later," Vader replied. In the meantime, Chewie had run around unhindered.

"1 rounder to the Light Side." called C3P0

Wedge Antillies was up next. Vader threw the ball and Wedge used the Force to divert it and make it hit the Stormtrooper, which promptly exploded. In the ensuing chaos, Wedge made it around.

"1 rounder to the Light Side." called C3P0

Hobbie came up. Vader threw the ball at him, when he hit it, his lightsabre exploded, blowing his head off.

After the untimely death of Hobbie, Prince Isoldor came to bat. He hit the ball, slicing Boba Fett's head off in the process and made it to second base, only because Vader ran to 3rd and stumped it before he could get there.

"1/2 rounder to the Light Side." called C3P0

Han returned to bat. Vader threw the ball. Han smacked it and began to run. As Han was running Isoldor pulled out a blaster and shot Vader down. When Han had got his rounder, he ran his lightsabre through Vader.

"Game over." called C3P0 "The Dark Side are all dead. The Light side have won!"

"Party on the Millennium Falcon now!" yelled Han to his team. "C3P0, clean up this mess!"


End file.
